Influencing Skills - Part Two - Influencing with NLP
In my previous article on
Influencing and Persuading I mentioned that we can use some of the elements of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) to help us. So this
article is the sequel.
There are many books on NLP that will give you more information on using NLP to
influence. One of my favourites is "Influencing
with Integrity" by Genie Z. Laborde, published
by Syntony. For my full recommended reading list
please see the end of the article.
First of all let us just remind ourselves of the definition of NLP.
John Grinder and Richard Bandler the Co founders of
NLP describe it as
“The study of excellence and how to reproduce it”. (John Grinder)
We can take the thought that if someone can do something and we model them in
thought and behaviour then we can replicate their
success. The attitude is one of constant curiosity about how did they do that.
“The ability to master your own states by running your own
brain”. (Richard Bandler)
This basically means we can control our response if we take control of our
brain rather than letting past unhelpful events control our response. This is
how we can overcome phobias, limiting beliefs.
Neuro comes from the Greek word neuron – the nervous
system – “the mind” through which our experience is processed. We translate our
experience through our senses, see, hear, feel, taste and smell, into thought
patterns either consciously or unconsciously.
Linguistic comes from Latin lingua or language. This is how we communicate our
experience through our language patterns.
Programming is how we create patterns of thinking/ activity/behaviour
that results in our experience.
So let’s delve deeper and see how we can apply NLP concepts to help enhance our
Influencing skills.
There are basic presuppositions or assumptions that underpin the NLP framework
and these are:
People are not the same as their behaviour
There is a positive intention behind
every behaviourØ
There is aØ context in which every behaviour has value
Everyone lives in their unique model of the world
People respond to their interpretation
of eventsØ rather than ‘reality’
People make the best choices available
within theirØ model of the world
A map is not the territory
Our mental maps canØ be changed more simply than the external
world
Memory and imagination useØ the same neurological circuits in the brain
You cannot fail to communicate
The meaning of any communication is the
response it getsØ
Ø The person with most flexibility has the most impact on the outcome
The resources we need to make a change are already within us
Anything oneØ person can do can be learned by someone
else
There is no failure, onlyØ feedback
These pre-suppositions are not necessarily true, but if you behave as if they
were you will notice some remarkable effects in your dealings with other
people.
You have probably heard about NLP and watching peoples’ eye movements and
listening to the words they use. So how do these help us in influencing?
The 3 main representational systems (I call them communication channels) are
Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic and are often
referred to as VAK. We show our preference for one or more of these channels by
our eye movements, so if we look at the eye movements of the person we are
interacting with then we can use words from their preferred channel (which may
not be the same as our preferred channel) and this helps us enhance our ability
to have our message get through.
The Visual Channel
When they look up to their left they are seeing pictures of something they have
seen before. They are accessing a clear image from the memory.
When they look up to their right they are imagining something which they
haven't seen yet.
A person will be more receptive to you when you communicate on their
wavelength. In other words use the same visual communication wavelength they
are using.
The following can be used to aid the influencing process:
Use charts, graphs, photographs and slides
Use a flipchart or OHPØ with visual people, they prefer to see information pictorially - a picture
is worth a thousand words.
Use visual words
“Is that clear to you”Ø
Ø “Does that look good to you”
“Let me show you”Ø
“I want you toØ imagine yourself ..........”.
Finish Visually
At the end of anØ encounter don’t just verbally summarise. Write down the points on the flipchart or a
piece of paper so the person can see them.
Watch your appearance
Ø Visual people lay a lot of importance on what they see. They will judge
your professionalism, your credibility, on your visual impact. They will judge
you on your clothes, your car, your briefcase and your presentation.
The Auditory Channel
When a person looks back and forth they are hearing words and sounds from their
memory bank. If they look down and to their left, they are talking to
themselves, running what you have just said through again to see if it makes
sense, this Auditory channel is often referred to as Auditory Digital..
Use a lot of words, this is how they prefer to communicate, give lots of
detail.
The following will aid the influencing process with the ‘auditory’ person:
Use Endorsements
Since they
think in wordsØ rather than pictures, they will be interested in
what other people have said, in sales this may be the testimonial.
Tone of Voice
Greater emphasisØ is placed on the way you say things.
Watch pitch, pace and pause, give some thought to the quality of the voice.
Use ‘Auditory’ Words
“DoesØ that sound good to you?”
“Are we in harmony on that point?”Ø
“Do IØ need to amplify that?”
Use the Telephone
Call ‘auditory’ people onØ the telephone frequently, even a brief conversation can mean a great deal.
The Kinaesthetic Channel
When a person looks down and to their right, they are thinking about feelings
and emotions.
Tell them how relaxed, satisfied, contented and proud they will feel after
giving you their agreement. This is the person who likes to feel the goods
before they buy in a shop.
The following will aid the influencing process with the ‘feeling’ person:
Use physical and emotional words
“How do you feel aboutØ the proposal?”
“Are you comfortable with that?”Ø
Touch them (although be careful how you do this)
They will feel
more comfortable withØ physical contact. They will perceive you as more
real, caring, genuine and sincere.
Face to face
Where possible,
deal with this person faceØ to face. They will not respond so well to
a phone call or memo.
Get them involved
Capitalise on
their preference to feel, let them touch yourØ product. Let them walk around your
office.
NLP is about Clear Communication, enhancing our communication and being more
precise when we communicate. We can also listen to the language being used as
it may be more specific than we think. For instance are we/others using more
visual/auditory or kinaesthetic words that are geared
to our preferred representational system? So listen to your colleagues, your
customers and communicate using their representational system language, whether
face to face, in emails or reports. When presenting to a large audience we
obviously have no idea of the audience’s representational systems, or do we?
Visual is the main system with an apparent 68% using this channel. Well whether
it is 68% or 55% it doesn’t really matter it’s the majority so if you are
visual and speak naturally you will be getting your message across to the
majority of your audience. Then we have Auditory and Kinaesthetic
and Auditory Digital so to maximise receipt of your
message use words from all 3 systems See, Hear, Feel and for the AD’s “does
that make sense”?
Visual words/phrases:
Imagine for a moment ……Ø
IØ would like to paint a picture of what I’m
talking about ……….
I see whatØ you mean
Picture this for a moment ….Ø
Something to look forward toØ ….
Auditory words/phrases:
You may like the sound of …Ø
ThisØ may ring a bell ….
… on the same
wavelength …Ø
Kinaesthetic words/phrases:
Gets to grips with an ideaØ
A concrete example mightØ be ….
Put your finger on it …Ø
Solid ideas…Ø
You may feel …….Ø How do you feel …
Pacing for Rapport
Neuro- Linguistic Programming (NLP) takes a simple
truth; we tend to trust people who are like us and uses this to enhance our
relationships.
Based on behavioural observations, NLP can show how
to build deep and lasting business relations by responding to the clues people
give us on how they think, feel and prefer to communicate. It is not about
manipulating, it is having a deeper understanding of people and adapting to the
unique way in which they represent their world. Using NLP just speeds up a
natural process. You will be surprised how quickly and easily you can establish
rapport which will help build high quality relationships and enhance your
influencing ability.
All of the things suggested should be used with sensitivity and subtlety and
choose just a few as to attempt to do all of them would put you into overload.
Many of you may do these intuitively at the moment,
all we are doing here is bringing them into your conscious mind.
1. Pace the other person’s body movements
Keep it subtleØ
Adopt a similar posture or gesture
rather than mimicØ them
2. Pace the other person’s voice
Rate of speechØ
VolumeØ
Pattern or rhythmØ
Sentence lengthØ
3. Pace the other person’s moods
Do a ‘temperature check’ of their
current moodØ
Respect andØ fall in step with their frame of mind, at
least temporarily
EventuallyØ lead them into a solution orientated or
more positive vein
4. Use statements of fact to help the other person into a ‘yes mode’
RepeatØ statements made by the other person, or
statements that are undeniably true
Begin or end statements (but don’t overdo it as it can become very obvious and
annoying) with phrases that ask for agreement, such as:
“......Ø right?”
“...... okay?”Ø
“....... would
you agree?ӯ
“...isn'tØ it?”
Ø
5. Pace the other person’s objection
Agree with the otherØ person's objection to eliminate the adversarial relationship
Lead with aØ statement of fact that refocuses their attention
6. Watch the other person’s eye movements
The eyes give
an indication of the ‘channel’ thatØ is being used for communication. Being
able to identify and respond accordingly can add extra impact.
Have a go at using some of these aspects of NLP, read up some more from one or
more of the excellent books suggested below and then see just how far your
influencing has improved.
Susan Lock
Reading
List
Influencing with Integrity’ by
Genie Z Laborde
Syntony Publishjing ISBN
1-89983-601-2
‘Leading with NLP’ by Joseph O’Connor
Thorsons Publishing ISBN 0-7225-3767-0
‘NLP at Work’ by Sue Knight
Nicholas Brealey Publishing ISBN 1-85788-070-6
‘Words the Change Minds’ by Shelle Rose Charnet
Kendall / Hunt Publishing ISBN 0-7872-3479-6
‘Power of Personal Influence’
Hale ISBN 0-07709-131-0